The Misconception

Okay, I have a confession to make. Well, maybe more of a statement. For the longest time I believed that the majority of the dating problem here in Rexburg was a problem with the guys. I thought that if these guys would just shape up and start doing their jobs I would have a date every weekend like I should. I have now discovered that this is not necessarily the case. I’m not saying that the guys don’t have some shaping up to do, but I also don’t think the blame for our romantic issues can lie solely with the male population.

Ladies, I think sometimes these men are scared of us. I don’t mean horror movie scared, like we need to lay off the fake blood during our morning beauty routines, but I do think, sometimes, men are scared of what we represent. They don’t call us “BYU-I do” for nothing and how many of you can honestly tell me that you aren’t here hoping to meet that special someone to spend the rest of you life with. Now, before you turn off your computer in a blind rage and track me down to put popcorn in my doorframe, I know that the majority of us are ACTUALLY up here to get an education. For most of us, meeting a man is just a happy side effect of the BYU-I experience, but for some of us, we are on the prowl. Deny it if you will, but deep down you know I’m right.

This particular phenomenon is called “desperation” and it is responsible for 9 out of 10 break-ups in the dating world (disclaimer: no occurrences of math in this blog should ever be considered accurate, as I am taking my second shot at trying to pass the class). Sometimes I think we are so focused on finding that “one” that we go into every new relationship expecting a ring on our finger. From my personal experience, this is one of the most foolproof ways to scare off a guy we’re interested in. Now some of you may think, “sure, I want to get married, but I don’t make that overtly obvious to every man I date.” Trust me girls, men are a lot more observant than we give them credit for. He knows that the minute he walks through that door to take you on your first date you’re sizing him up to walk down the isle.

We all want to get married. Heck, I want to get married, but I have firmly and completely put that particular aspect in the Lord’s hand and told him, “Have at it!” I don’t want to worry about it anymore, and I think you shouldn’t either. For the majority of us, we will get married someday. For some of us, that is not our calling in this life, but stressing about it, scheming about it, and looking at every man who walks in the door like he could be “The One” isn’t going to get us any closer to that lofty goal. Have you ever heard that when you stop looking is when you finally find what you were looking for? It’s the same concept that works for thinking of something you forgot, you just have to stop thinking about it and it will come to you. It also works in dating. When you stop looking for someone to make all your dreams come true and actually start enjoying life as a young single adult is when that someone may just find you. There is nothing more attractive than a girl who doesn’t care, and that’s the truth.

Now, for all my guy readers out there (and I do hope you’re out there), this is where the misconception comes in for you. Don’t you go into every relationship thinking the girl just wants to drag you kicking and screaming to the temple. Yes, we may want to get married but most of us are smart enough to let a relationship take it’s natural course and not try to rush the process (it’s how it works ladies). Or you could be just like us, trying to slip a ring on that left hand as fast as humanly possible. But this is what I’m talking about. Follow the natural dating flow. The relationship will take it’s own course if you just sit back and let it. Now whether that natural process takes 2 months or 10, enjoy your dating experience and don’t automatically think that just because you enjoy each other’s company it means you’re meant to spend time and all eternity with her.

This goes for both sides of the gender spectrum, and this is what I’d really like for you to get out of this post. Take your time! Ease into things, be patient, and most of all, get to know each other before you make the commitment of eternity. Divorce rates are on the rise, even in temple marriages, I’m sad to say. I wish this wasn’t true. I wish I could say that we’ll all live happily ever after if we’re sealed together for time and all eternity in the house of the Lord, but this isn’t always the case. Don’t you want to take every precaution to ensure you get your happy ending? So be patient, let it happen how it will, and you can feel confident that when you finally meet the person your meant to be with, you’ve made the right choice.