The Issue

There is a dating issue facing the young, single, female population of Rexburg Idaho. I think we can all agree on that. But I don't think we can all agree on what exactly that issue is. Some of you may believe our problem is a lack of men. It’s true that we do have a 3-1 ratio of girls to guys, and yes that can be a problem. But I don’t believe it’s the only problem. Here I pose, for your consideration, what I believe plagues the local female population. In my opinion, we are all cursed with a lack of pickiness. Now, bear with me, some of you may be saying right now “I am picky, I’m so picky that I don’t think I’ll ever find a guy good enough for me!” Well, that’s not exactly what I’m talking about. Yes, we can be picky. We all want a good looking, return missionary, priesthood holder with a temple recommend, but that’s not the pickiness I’m referring too. I’m referring to being picky about the way our guys treat us.

How many of you have dated a guy who looked so perfect on paper it seemed as if you were made for each other, only to find that once you actually spent time interacting with one another he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be? I know I have. Talk about a rude awakening. My fear is that sometimes we are so worried about those few little details that we believe make a man a “good one” that we overlook some of the key characteristics that really define his character. Yes, it is good to date the RM, yes we all want a man who is worthy to take us to the temple, but the black nametag does not a good man make. What really matters, ladies, is the way a man makes you feel when you’re in his presence. In this matter, I believe we have not yet begun to be picky.

Here is the part of the blog where I give you homework. I know, I know, you’re busy enough as it is, but if you can take a few moments out of your insanely busy day I want you to make a list for me. I want you to list all the characteristics you need in a man. Not the ones you want (I want someone who’s 6’ 2” with green eyes and a great smile) no, but the ones you need, like I need a man who will respect me, understand me, be honest with me, etc. (You can make the list of wants too but the needs is what we’re going to be focusing on). This is the list that you will compare every potential suitor too from now on, so keep good track of it, and add to it when you find someone who possesses a characteristic you didn’t already have. If a guy comes a-calling and he doesn’t fit the specifications of your list then you, my dear girl, have every right to kick him to the curb and I hope you do just that. No one who is not giving you what you need should ever make the cut even to dating, let alone boyfriend, so please don’t let it get that far. At the first sign that he’s not going to be everything you need I want you to run, not walk, but run, away.

The key here is to find someone who makes you happy, because if you’re not happy then you’re not doing it right. So take a good look at what you need and then take a good look at what you’ve been settling for and tell me whether or not they add up. I have a feeling that in most of your cases, they don’t. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we willing to settle down with a guy who doesn’t give us what we need? I believe it’s because, for the most part, we think it’s the best we’re going to get. This is not true! Who cares if you’ve been single for 3 years, who cares if there’s a 3-1 ratio, who cares if you’re 24 and haven’t found someone to spend the rest of your life with? If he’s not making you happy, if he doesn’t give you what you need, then he’s not worth your time. Period. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. Imagine what he would say to you if you told him you kept dating the guy who forgot your birthday and lied to you about where he was last night because you thought you wouldn’t find anyone better. Keep that in mind next time you start making excuses for why he doesn’t treat you right.

I know it’s hard. I know we all reach a point where we want to throw our hands in the air and shout “IGIVE UP!” because we don’t think it’s worth it anymore, but trust me, it is. There will be someone who will treat you like the queen you are and he will make you look back on all those other sub-standard guys and go “what was I thinking staying with that guy?” Mr. Right will come, you just have to have faith. And it will be so much easier for Mr. Right to snag you if you don’t have Mr. Wrong hanging on your arm. So be picky ladies. Hold your guys to a higher standard and you may find that they actually start living up to that standard. And if they don’t, well, you know what to do.