Have you ever woken up one morning and wondered what you have been doing with your life? Well in my case it was sittng in bed at 1:30 in the morning and suddenly realizing that my life had taken a turn and I had missed it. Somewhere along the road I had previously been traveling I took an unexpected detour and have landed in a place I had never planned to be in. And I can't say I like the feeling of being somewhere you didn't intend.
I am remembering all the ones that I have left behind, the people who I have forgotten or simply drifted away from. I have come to find out that my life is not composed simply of my experiences. I am inclined to quote one of my favorite musicals, "Wicked", one which I have never actually seen but I know all the songs and I hope one day I will have the priviliege. In the song "For Good" Glinda and Elphaba (the two main characters, best friends turned rivals but still with a soft spot for each other) are parting ways at the end of a hard life for both of them. Elphaba has embraced wickedness after a lifetime of trying to do good and getting nothing but resentment and even cruelty in return. She has accomplished nothing and decides that the time has come to hand over her good intentions to her friend Glinda, who may have some hope of seeing them fulfilled, and giving in to her demise, forever branded as the "Wicked Witch of the West". In the final encounter between these two friends Glinda sings, "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return." I do believe this is very true. I know that there have been moments in my life when I felt like nothing I did made any difference and that no one would be affected by my decisions, whether I chose right or wrong, or even good and not so good. I have come to realize that this isn't so.
I have been lost, stuck in a ditch on the side of a road I never thought I was choosing to travel. I have made some not so good decisions and some downright bad ones and all I can say is "I'm sorry". I have held on to grudges for far too long, mistreated some people who were only trying to help me, forgotten some of my best friends, and let myself become someone who I am not. I realize all this now and the reason I am telling this to all the people who may actually take the time to read it is because I would like to apologize. I am truly sorry for the way I have been. My hope is that with a little writer's therapy I can come to be the person I always was (with maybe a few slight improvements) and that I can go back to living life on the right side of the road :)
I love my friends, those people who have been there for me in some of my darkest hours and pulled me out of some of the deepest holes. I am forever in your debt. Some of you may not even know the impact you have had on my life and some of you know full well. I hope that I have been an influence in yours as well. I will always be here for all of you. Whenever you need me, I am nothing but a phone call away.
So there it is, a short but hopefully powerful statement. I am finding my way again and I will take it like any journey worth traveling, one step at a time.
